'Parasocial' Isn't Actually Defined For Real Life

So I've coined a term to describe real relationships that get weird with projection and false intimacy.

We hear the term ‘parasocial relationships’ all the time. But most of us don’t know the actual definition, or where it really comes from.

The term parasocial relationship was coined in 1956 by sociologists Donald Horton and R. Richard Wohl to describe the one-sided, illusory bonds audiences form with media figures (TV stars, celebrities) as if they were real friends, thanks to media’s “face-to-face” feel, with the “para-” prefix meaning “beside” or “beyond”. These imagined connections, like feeling you know a talk show host or character, became central to media studies as television grew, offering a semblance of intimacy without real reciprocity.
-Google.com

This got me thinking. This term is all fine and dandy for media figures and even social media influencers. It’s appropriate for use in dynamics where we really do not know another person at all.

But what about the interactions and relationships where you may have met a person once, said hello to them at a store, or maybe had a friendship with them 20 years ago that fizzled out? What about that friend that is trying to force you to be besties? These are instances where technically you know a person, and they know you. You have met them in real life, probably had conversations. However, a relationship isn’t established enough or at a level where you actually know each other beyond a surface level. And for some reason or another, these people project fantasies onto you, assume closeness or a particular level of bond that actually doesn’t even exist… at least not on a mutual level.

According to the definition I shared earlier, these kinds of relationships are not ‘parasocial’ because everyone knows each other to a certain degree. And nobody is a tv star, influencer or celebrity personality. So in my head I’m thinking… well what should we call this?! Because this phenomenon is very real and widely experienced.

The next definition that would even begin to describe a dynamic centered on unreciprocated feelings is limerence. But even that’s way too intense for what i’m wanting to define.

So what I’m going to call this is parabonded relationships. It’s a play on ‘parasocial’ but focuses on the faux-bonding aspect between two people who do know each other. This is the kind of relationship where one person is bonded, in their minds, and the other is not. It’s about projection, fantasy bonding, entitlement and imagined closeness.

A cleaner, more academic definition would be:
A one-sided, internally created attachment to a person they have access to in real life, but without the mutual closeness, history, or intimacy needed to justify their behavior. The individual behaves as if a deeper bond exists: projecting familiarity, emotional entitlement, or relational roles that were never established. The “bond” they’re relating to lives in their mind, not in the actual dynamic.

I read a comment on my TikTok (@domo.latte) and someone shared an experience they had when they used to work at a bookstore. Apparently, some of the patrons would make up weird fantasies about her. Sure, she met the patrons and were friendly with them but they clearly built a unfounded relationship with her in their minds. That’s creepy.

I’ve had casual acquaintance with people who express an odd entitlement as if they deserve full access to my deep emotional world when they are barely present or supportive in my real day-to-day life.

I’ve had people I knew in elementary school make comments or assumptions about my life as if they actually know the adult version of me well enough to have an opinion.

I have family members who think they know me and have a say in what I do when they haven’t called me in 4 years.

You get my drift? I know you do. And I know you have experienced this in many shapes, forms, and fashions in your life with people you are familiar with.

Sure, casually we can still call these dynamics ‘parasocial’ if we want to and that’s perfectly fine. I just think we should open up the floor to talk about this more in a way that relates to everyday life for the average, regular-degular person.